If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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