I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
