Buhtt sex?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
