he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
