Tell her she can't have a vagina
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
