Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
