I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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