Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
