Apparently you make a good broom.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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