How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
