...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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