are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize