we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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