the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You have to summon your inner elephant
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
