Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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