Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
