New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
