i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
