dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
