DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
