i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
