problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
