i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
