the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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