i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
