So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
