I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
