My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
