How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
