just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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