oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
