I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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