i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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