my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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