I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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