My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
