Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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