Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
