maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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