You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
