I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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