i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize