Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
