Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
