Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
