we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
