Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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