YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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