But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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