I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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