Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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