So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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