Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
