did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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