Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
