I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
