Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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