Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
