I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
