just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
