My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
