His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
