the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
