I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
