Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
