That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
