I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
