God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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