Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize