After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
