i was rollin on her like bob the builder
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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