I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
as a side note pls kill me
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