He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
