You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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