why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
