She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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