ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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