brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
The power of my boobs compel you
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