The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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