I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
