I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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