***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
