We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
