I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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