K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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