the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
this hospital has no fireball
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
