she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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