i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
