Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
