out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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