A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize