Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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