So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
