You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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