can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
