this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
there is puke in my bra ... again
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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