i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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