i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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