The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
