I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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