No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
