3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
