I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
