so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He better not be in your backpack
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
